Double the Fun

I have reached a new motherhood milestone.  I hesitate to even post this because well there's nothing fun about it, but it's gross and it's my life and it's definitely something that I am going to want to remember and this blog is a great record of my life the past years and I figure my kids will probably laugh about it later when they read what they did to me.  So, feel free to skip this post entirely or read on and laugh at my expense.  :)

This morning the kids came into my bed like normal and Jayden said, "My stomach hurts".  I was like, "Really?  Maybe you're just hungry.  Let's get some water and toast and see how you feel."  The first batch of toast I made was "too brown", the second batch of toast I made was "too soggy".  I gave up after that.  I mean, who is this kid, Goldilocks???  So I set some water and toast on a table with a barfing bowl, just in case.  I was really kind of bummed.  Royal and I had plans for this evening.  We were going to go see the Hobbit with some friends and Royal had even pre-bought our tickets on Sunday.  We had a babysitter lined up and everything, but you can't help having a sick kid.

Jayden never throws up, but he keeps every once in awhile rolling around and moaning on the couch that his stomach hurts.  I at this point am just thinking he's probably really hungry and if he'd eat something he'd feel better.  But just to be safe, I call Royal to have him cancel our babysitter (a coworkers daughter), and I text the girls I am suppose to tutor this afternoon and tell them not to come.  Then I text a neighbor of mine, who I know is getting ready for a big drive tomorrow and ask if she is out making a last minute stop to Target, if she would please pick me up some Saltine crackers and Sprite.  She brings them by my house 15 minutes or so later.

At this point I really think Jayden is faking.  He's been laying on the couch for 6 hours with no action, no fever, no barfing, nothing, and then he sees me playing Bad Piggies on my iPad and he instantly perks up and is all, "Oh I feel better!  Let me play that!"  No way, dude.  No way.  Willow has been acting just like herself all day.  She took a bath this morning, has been skipping around the house changing her clothes every 30 minutes, standing in the middle of the room declaring "Look!  I'm Pocahontas!" and then running and flying headfirst into the couch.  So, when she saw Sprite come through our door she starts jumping, "Oh!  Can I have some?  Please, please, please!?!  I LOVE Sprite!"  My poor soda deprived children.  So I pour Jayden a cup and Willow and cup.  Jayden refuses to touch his, Willow skips around the house pounding hers like it's, well, soda.  :)

We have been literally watching movies all day long.  I love streaming Netflix!  So, Willow at one points sits down on the couch and starts watching a Veggie Tales with us.  She does this funny burp-gag thing.  I look at her, "What the heck was that?  You feel ok?"  Willow replies, "Oh yeah!  That Sprite just makes me do funny burps."  A few minutes later, another burp-gag.  "Are you going to throw up, Willow?  How does your tummy feel?"  "It feels fine!  I'm not going to barf!"  So, I get up and hand her Jayden's barf bowl and say, "Hang onto this just incase.  I sit down in a chair right next to the couch.  All the sudden Willow sits up right and barfs right down the front of her.  I jump and grab the bowl and put it right under her face.  What the heck?!?  She's been fine all day long!  I look over at Jayden, who is sitting right next to her.  His eyes are really wide, and his lips are pursed together, and he's pointing to them with a panicked look.  I'm like, "GO TO THE BATHROOM!  GET TO THE TOILET!"  Nope, he leans over the same bowl that Willow is actively barfing in, and starts emptying his stomach at the. Exact. Same. Time.  Are you kidding me?????  If anybody knows me, let me repeat, I do not do barf.  Barf makes me barf.  I can't handle it.  So, I pull my shirt up over my nose, close my eyes, turn my head, and keep gagging into my shoulder.  I mean, there's no room in the bowl for me if I start barfing.  Where is Royal, oh man with the stomach of steel?  My kids are only allowed to throw up in the evenings and on the weekends.  So, while my head is turned away, I'm holding the bowl and Willow's head down over the bowl, Jayden is trying to find room next to her and manages to lifts his head up just enough to projectile barf all over my legs, and then Willow starts hitting my hand saying, "I'm done!  I'm done!  Let me up!"  So the kids finally finish, I quickly bring the bowl to the bathroom telling myself the whole time it's just a bowl full of water and quickly flush it down the toilet and start rinsing it out and Jayden comes running into the bathroom for round #2.  Willow is right behind him with a huge smile on her face.  "I threw up in the bowl!  That was so fun!"  Who is this child?  Throwing up in a bowl was fun?  Are you for real?????  If I hadn't birthed this child at home, I'd swear she got switched in the hospital, because she can't be related to me!

So, now that I've stripped Willow down and put her in pj's, wiped down the couch, changed my clothes, tucked both kids back into the couch, started laundry, washed my hands probably 10 times, I'm pretty sure this is where we will be for the rest of afternoon/evening.

5 days until we get on our plane for Washington.  I guess I just started my laundry for packing a little early.