Home Alone and Locked Out...in the ghetto

If you happened to read my previous post, you'll have noticed that I may just live in the ghetto.  Ok, so it's not that bad, but I like to make it sound more exciting.  Anywhoo.... Royal is out of town all week for work, so I'm doing the single mom thing, which by the way I am not sure how single moms do it without either going crazy or being hospitalized for exhaustion, because I now notice that I love it when Royal comes home and can pay attention to Jayden for a few hours. :) Anyways... with Royal gone, I have made sure all the doors are locked up tight, even the door that goes to the garage, which is sometimes locked and sometimes not, but this week has been locked for sure. So, tonite I was going to go get some food to eat, b/c I didn't want to cook, so I grab jayden and my keys and wallet and go out to the garage. It isn't until I hear the garage door slam shut that I realize that it just might be locked. I run back to the door and yes, my suspicion was correct, it was locked. I run back to the car searching for my keys...what do I find? Only the car keys...no house keys. I'm like oh crap, now what am I going to do? Royal's in Alabama, he has a key. Jordan is in Portland, he has a key. The spare key to the house is INSIDE (great place for it). Basically I'm screwed. I started thinking, could Jayden and I sleep in the car and just wait for Royal to come home tomorrow night? Ummmm I think not. I notice my neighbor Ed across the street in his garage (not the drug dealer neighbor)  He's one of those guys who has connections everywhere and knows everything that happens in the neighborhood, and I mean everything.  So I grab Jayden and run across the road.  I'm like 'Hey Ed, I just locked myself out of the house, you wouldn't happen to be an expert lock picker would you?' He's like 'well....hang on one sec'. He runs in the house for a minute and then comes back out with a credit card.  I'm like 'What?? That actually works??' He goes, 'Well you have to know how to do it.'  I'm like 'Who showed you?' And he said 'I had one of the inmates show me how to do it'  No, Ed has never been to prison, well at least not in a cell.   He's a guard at the Shelton Pen.  So, Ed goes right up to the door, puts the card in the door jam and 2 seconds later the door is open.  I'm like 'You got to be kidding me. Why do I even lock the door???'  Ed's like 'Yea, you might as well not lock it and just call me if you think someones in your house'  A few days earlier when the cops were running through the neighborhood looking for drug dealers, Ed proceeded to give me his phone number and said 'I have 7 guns and I know how to use them, you call me if you're scared'   love Ed!!!

Law and Order : Rachel Style

(original post on MySpace)

Last Friday, around 11:00, my mom and I were feeding Jayden some breakfast consisting of bananas and oatmeal, his favorite but that really has nothing to do with the story. When all of the sudden, my mom says, 'Whose running across your yard?' I look out the window and low and behold there is a man with a big black garbage bag slung over his shoulder running across my yard. I of course, being the big intimidating being that I am (all 5'1" of me), run out of the house to confront this person and tell them to say the heck out of my yard and use the road like a normal person. But I miss the guy as he jumps into a car waiting for him by the road and speeds off. My second thought was, 'Now that was a stupid move..what if he was doing something he didn't want to be seen doing and happened to have a gun and thought, 'hmm lets dust the short blonde chick so there's no witnesses'' Luckily that didn't happen, so I go back in the house, tell my mom they got away, and call the police. There had been a break-in a few houses down from ours a few nights prior, so I called the police just in case someone reports a robbery or something. The police dispatcher takes my statement and then says she was sending a patrol guy out my way. I was like 'ok', thinking I would never really find out what really happened. Boy was I wrong...

'Bout 15 mins later, a sheriff knocks on my door. He asks me to tell him what I saw again and then asks if he can look around my back yard. I'm like 'Yea, fine with me'. And he tells me there is another sheriff on the way and he'll probably want to look at my back yard too. So, a few mins later, there are 2 sheriff's cars parked in my front yard and police guys nosing around. They leave soon after w/o really telling me anything. I once again think 'What the heck is going on that 2 sheriff's show up for a 'maybe' suspicious guy running across my yard.' My mom leaves a little while later and I promptly lock all the doors.

A couple hours later, another knock on the door. I'm thinking, 'Crap, i'm alone, what if it's someone coming to retaliate for calling the cops on 'em'. I peak out the door and there are 2 guys out there and I slowly open the door... Now I'm telling you, it was just like an episode of law and order. These two guys say, 'Are you Rachel?' I'm like yeah. They go, 'Well we're Detectives so-and-so and so-and-so, with the Lacey Police Department' and then they flash me their badges. I'm thinking 'Am I on tv?? Is this really happening? So they really do that in real life??' ha ha ha They confirm the story that I told that morning and then show me a picture and say 'Is that the guy?' I'm thinking, 'This is JUST like tv!!' And then I start thinking 'Oh crap, so they think they know who the guys is and they have a big ole folder on him' So, I say, 'Is that who you guys think it was, and if it was, do I need to be worried that he was around the house?' So they preceed to tell me that they had been over at the guys house this morning with a search warrant b/c there were reports he was dealing drugs out of his house. The guy slammed the door on them and while they were waiting for back-up, he obviously collected all his loot, stuffed it in a bag and threw it over the fence, into my yard. Yea, that's right folks, this guy is my neighbor. Once the cops got into his house, there was nothing inside and there was nothing in his back yard. Nobody thought to look in my back yard. I made the call to the cops about 15 mins after they showed up at his house in the morning. Coincidence?....I think not.

So, lets just say I'm seriously thinking of building a 12 foot cement wall around the house with lights that turn on by motion and some really BIG dogs with sharp teeth

Trucks With Winches and Tractors with Cup Holders

(originally posted on MySpace)

For those that don’t know, my backyard is a gravel pit. It seriously is a hill of nothing but a little bit of dirt and a ton of rocks. So, since Royal and I moved in we’ve been contemplating how we are going to dig out a backyard and plant some grass so that hopefully by next summer, Jayden will have somewhere to play (other than the street of course )

So, the first step was to cut down a bunch of trees in the backyard. Royal was excited about this. He would get to knock things over and play with chain saws. So, Royal calls his brother, Gabe, and his dad, whose nickname is Fireball (a whole ‘nother story is associated with that). I was a little nervous about how the Lovingfoss’ do projects like these (not always a lot of thinking involved. Royal once dropped his mattresses over a 2nd story balcony because he didn’t think they would fit down the stairs. When I saw the first once go over, I ran upstairs and was like, ‘Dude, they’ll fit down the stairs, how do you think you got them up here?’ Luckily he saw my logic before he threw the box spring over the balcony as well) Anyways, I called my dad and brother Willie to come and help reign in the Lovingfoss men and hopefully keep the trees from falling on our house. Early Saturday morning, Fireball and Gabe arrive in Fireball’s big diesel dodge truck with a winch on the front. To help keep the trees falling in the right direction, someone would climb up the tree, wrap the winch line around the trunk and when the tree started to fall someone would pull it with the truck. Not a bad plan I thought….smash his truck and not the house. Things are going great and then the Lovingfoss moment happens. They begin cutting down one of the trees that is closest to the house, so I start watching from the window. Let me set the stage for you. Royal climbs the tree and wraps the line around it. Gabe is in the truck ready to pull the tree should it start going the wrong way. Fireball is at the base of the tree with his chainsaw cutting into it. Everything seems to be going normal, when all of the sudden Fireball yells, “I’m outta gas!” Meaning his chainsaw was low on fuel and about to die, but with all the noise from the chainsaw and the diesel truck, Royal, my dad, and Willie hear something different and they yell to Gabe whose waiting in the truck, “Hit the gas!” So, Gabe takes off in reverse to pull the tree over. Fireball, a little shocked, but sees whats happening ditches his chainsaw and goes running away. Luckily, nothing disastrous happens, the tree ends up splintering and falls down (or really gets pulled down) and Fireball comes back to the scene laughing saying, “What the hell are you guys doing?” and Gabes like, “Well, you said hit the gas” Needless to say, they all came in for a round of beers and some food after that to rehash what had just happened. I’m not sure beer was the best thing for them to be drinking at the moment…



But the trees all came down and nothing happened to the house. The next step was to start digging out all the rock. Royal and I had talked about having someone come in with a tractor and do it since neither of us knew how to run one. One day, Royal comes downstairs into the family room looking all proud and I'm like, "what's up?". Royal goes, "I've got us a tractor" I'm like, "sweet, whose gonna come do it?" and Royal says, "Well I am." A wave of panic runs through my body as I starting thinking of all the things that could happen with Royal behind the wheel of a tractor, but then I start thinking, well maybe it's just a small tractor. Royal says, "they're gonna drop it off Friday around 5, because it's too big for me to go get with the truck" I say, "just how big is this tractor?" and Royal responds, "well I'm not real sure, but they have to bring it in with a semi!!!" (oh crap ran through my mind) I'm like, "whose gonna run this thing?" and Royal says, "oh, they'll show me how when they drop it off" So, I'm like "OK, if you think you can do it, fine with me"

So, Friday rolls around, it's almost 5 and I get a call from Royal. He says he's stuck in traffic, he's gone about 10 miles in the last hour and a half and he's not gonna make it home in time for the tractor drop off and I'm gonna have to learn how to run it. I'm thinking, "yea right, like they're gonna show a girl holding a baby how to run this monster....'oh here, man covered in grease, hold my baby while I figure out how to run this backhoe'... uh huh sure" Then I hear this big noise coming down the street and it's our tractor. I get off the phone with Royal in time to answer the door (holding Jayden of course) and I am met by a man (he did have grease and dirt all over) and he looks at me with his eyebrows raised and said, "uh, you wanted a tractor?" To help clarify, I say, "oh, yea, my husband wants it" I'm not sure this made him feel any better, but I signed for the thing, he drove it back to our gravel pit, handed me the keys, and took off. I immediately get on the phone and call Willie. Willie had a little experience with tractors, which is more than what Royal had, so he became my expert. I leave Willie a message saying, 'You had better be coming over tomorrow because they just dropped off the tractor and Royal wasn't here to learn how to run it' Luckily, Willie wasn't doing much, so he comes over Friday nite so he can get an early start with Royal on Saturday.

Saturday morning.... of course Fireball comes up to join in the fun as well... I hear them start up the tractor, so I get out of bed and start watching out the window. Royal's behind the wheel and he's managed to get the thing over to the area they are going to start digging in. I watch as Royal lowers the leveler things and starts trying to run the backhoe. Willie is on the ground yelling at Royal on what he should try and do. Royal starts moving the backhoe and gets it to dig a little dirt, but not much, so he goes to try again, but since he doesn't know how the gears really work yet, pushes them in the wrong direction and ends up pushing the backhoe bucket into the ground and lifts the tractor off the ground. I'm watching thinking, "oh crap, here we go." and Willie is trying to tell Royal to go the other way slowly. Well, Royal does manage to go the other way, just not slowly and there is this loud BOOM! Royal has just totally dropped the tractor. Willie is cracking up and Royal climbs out of the tractor and tells Willie to get in a show him how to do it. So, Willie gets in, manages to do a couple digs (without leaving the ground) and I hear Royal say, "sweet, you know what you are doing, you're driving!" Hallelujah!!! Well Willie ended up having a great time with that tractor, my guess is he now wants one of his own, because he would hardly get out of the bucket to come inside for lunch. When he finally managed to tear himself away from the machine, he comes inside and the first thing he says is, "Rach, this is awesome, there is even a cup holder in there!" He scarfs down his food and rummages through the cupboard and finds himself our biggest coffee thermos (which really isn't that big, both Royal and I hate coffee) fills it full of coffee, and heads out the door, holding his coffee up in the air he proclaims, "well, I'm back to work!" Thank goodness for tractors with cup holders!!

The Christmas Mouse

(original post from MySpace)

Ok, let me preface this with the fact that I am not a big fan of spiders, snakes, and rodents, so needless to say while I may have been the one who discovered the Christmas mouse, I was not the one to deal with it.

Let me set the stage for you. Last night, Royal went to bed at 9:00 like he usually does, since he has to get up at 5, and I stayed downstairs and watched TV to try and put off going to sleep since going to sleep only makes tomorrow come faster and that means I have to work. So, I was laying on couch under a flannel blanket, all the lights were off, the fire was on because I was freezing and Royal wasn’t awake to complain about how warm it was downstairs, and I was watching a not so interesting episode of CSI-Miami. Then out of the corner of my eye, I see a shadow run along the wall behind my head. I thought, “hmm, how odd, wonder what the heck that was”. Thinking nothing of it, I continue watching TV. Then I start hearing some noises, it kind-of sounded like when a fly gets stuck in your lamp and keeps running itself into the light bulb. Kind of a tinking and buzzing and scratching sound. Knowing that there were no lights on and the sound was coming from behind my head, I keep looking up the wall and the ceiling looking for some poor bug that was going to probably perish that night, that I would most likely leave for Royal to get later. ha ha ha. Well, I can’t see any bug and I keep hearing that noise, so I mute the TV so I can concentrate on where the noise is really coming from. I mean I don’t want some bug dive-bombing me or anything. And as soon as I mute the TV, the sound stops. I mute and unmute the TV to test it a few times and the sound always stops when the TV was muted, so come to the conclusion it must be the TV, although the thought of that shadow I saw is in the back of my mind. So, I’m still laying on the couch under my blanket, flipping through some channels hoping to find a movie, when all of the sudden out of nowhere, something jumps on my shoulder, it’s not a dive-bombing bug, it’s a freaking shadow with a tail. I, of course, bolt upright and let out a small screech and am thinking, “oh my gosh, there is a mouse on this couch with me.” I jump off the couch, hitting all the light switches on the way, I mean I don’t want this thing sneaking up on me again, and I run upstairs to the bedroom all the while yelling, “Royal, Royal, get up!!!” I bust open the door and where is Royal? Still sleeping, not hearing anything that is going on. So I go over to him saying, “Royal, wake up, there is a mouse downstairs and it jumped on me” He of course keeps sleeping. So I start shaking him saying, “Royal! Take out your gosh darn earplugs! Wake up! There is a freaking mouse and you have got to come get it!” He of course is a little groggy since it is now 10:30 and he’s been sleeping for and hour and a half. He’s like ‘There is no mouse’. And me, almost hysterical is like “YES THERE IS!! IT JUMPED ON MY SHOULDER!!” So huffing and puffing and glaring at me the whole time, he gets out of bed and starts heading downstairs. I follow, trying to tell him the whole story of what happened, so he understands that there is no way he is going back to bed until that mouse is taken care of.

So, now downstairs and pissed about having been woke up for a mouse he hasn’t even seen yet, Royal says, “We’ll go get some poison tomorrow, everything will be fine” and he starts going back upstairs. I’m like, “hold it right there buck-o. First of all, I don’t want to poison the poor mouse, I want you to catch it and let it go outside. And second of all, I work from home and I do not want to be looking over for my shoulder for a mouse creeping up on me all day. So, we are taking care of this tonite” I really should not have said “we” because what I meant was I would watch Royal catch and release our new-found house animal. So pissed (remember he’s still tired and walking around in some boxers and a t-shirt), Royal puts on his tennis-shoes (I’m sure because he didn’t want some mouse running across bare feet), he grabs the stick that is our security for our sliding glass door, opens the door (I’m sure he did this thinking he could coax the mouse out of the door, yea right, outside is cold, inside warm and I’m sure the mouse had a little nest somewhere). I climb up on a chair, sitting on the armrest, ready to jump if the mouse comes anywhere near me. I tell Royal where I was when the mouse jumped on me, and Royal starts clearing off the couch. All the pillows and blankets are off the couch and still no mouse. Then I see my green knitting bag sitting on the floor next to it and am like, “Uh, Royal, you’re gonna need to go through that”. So, after a quick glare in my direction, he picks up the bag, and guess what happens! The freaking mouse goes screaming across the room and then back under the couch. I scream, which ends up distracting Royal and he never sees the mouse. He is like “What are you screaming about?” And I said, “The mouse!! Didn’t you see it???” So, Royal still an unbeliever that there is really a mouse, starts chucking things in my direction to clear out the room. He moves all the tables and flips the couch over. If anybody at that time took a glance through our windows (since we have no blinds yet, it’s like we live in a fishbowl), they may have thought there was some sort of domestic dispute. I mean, there was screaming, a girl crouched in a ball, a big guy in his underwear with a stick, and furniture flipped over. Royal is like, “Rachel there is no mouse.” I was like, “Check the panty in the kitchen, it totally could of squeezed under the door.” So, Royal heads over to the pantry with his stick and opens the door and I climb up on the kitchen counter to observe. He starts banging the stick on the stuff on the floor, and finally the little mouse comes sprinting out of there and right towards Royal. This is the part where we discover, Royal too is a little jumpy when there are mice around. I’m just grateful I’m up on the counter, but Royal is right in the line of fire. As the mouse is running towards him, there is no screaming from Royal, but he does pull off the staggered, double knee lift jump. I of course start cracking up and the mouse b-lines it for another closet, this time, the under the stair storage. So, Royal, excited that now we know for sure where the mouse is, sends me off to find something to capture it in, he was getting angry I wasn’t helping much. So, I find a couple of boxes and a towel to block the space between the door and the wall, and I set the boxes on their sides with the opening facing into the closet, hoping the mouse will run into them. Royal climbs into the closet and starts clearing out stuff we had in there. In the process we discover where the little mouse’s nest was, luckily it was pretty small, so obviously the mouse had just moved in. We get everything out of the closet, except a small bookshelf that has a bunch of stuff on it. Royal comes out of the closet and starts moving the bookshelf, hoping to scare the mouse from under it. Well of course it works, but the poor mouse is trapped and starts running circles around the closet and then heads for the boxes. It gets in one of the boxes and Royal not thinking clearly doesn’t flip the box up on it’s end to trap it in the box, starts saying, I need something to cover the box with. I’m like, “Get it! get it!, it’s totally in the box.” Well, both of us were too slow and we obviously underestimated the athletic ability of this mouse, because this mouse backs up, runs straight for the boxes, and jumps over the top of it, runs back under the couch and then we lost track of it, but had an idea that it might be in the laundry room. I just couldn’t believe it jumped over the boxes, I mean I don’t know why I was surprised, the mouse did jump from the floor onto my shoulder while I was on the couch. So, Royal heads towards the laundry room, determined to at least get it into the garage. Royal spends about 15 min trying to find it, banging the washer and dryer around, but no luck, we couldn’t find the mouse. By this time, we had been fighting the mouse for almost an hour and Royal was like, “I’m sure it’s in there”, so we closed the door and shoved a towel under the door to keep it from coming under the door and went up to bed. I was a little panicy, knowing the mouse was still in the house and I was going to be alone with it all day. But I end up going to sleep anyway.

OK, so now it is the next morning (today). I hear Royal get up and get ready to leave. Then I hear Royal downstairs talking to someone (or something) and then I hear Royal coming back up the stairs. He’s like, “The mouse is gone.” I’m like, “you caught it and got it outside?” He’s like, “Nope, I killed it.” I start getting angry because I didn’t want to kill the little guy, I had actually started coming up with names for it (Chester, Mighty-Mouse, Spidey-Mouse for it’s jumping ability, etc…), I just wanted to get it out of the house, so I’m like “What?? You killed it???” And Royal is all, “Well it was a bit of an accident.” Turns out, Royal was getting his lunch out of the fridge and when he opened the door, the mouse came running out from under the fridge and ran under the stove. So, Royal went over to the stove and started pulling the stove out from the wall and heard a squeaking. Turns out, he squished it. So, now there is no mouse in our house, but I am sad because the poor little guy died. Royal threw it out into our backyard, which is more like a gravel pit, but I may try and find it and bury it. I don’t want some stray cat running off with our poor little mouse….