We Got Inked!

We did it.  Kaylee, Joanna, Jordan, and I went up to Flaming Dragon Tattoo yesterday and put our personal memorial of Willie permanetly on our bodies.  They turned out so good.

I want to say a BIG thank-you to Forrest Cooper who designed the tattoo for us and also to Dave Wach who worked on us for 6 hours yesterday to put the tattoos on.

In the car on the way up, we rocked out to a little Heavy-D, “Now That We Found Love” to get ourselves pumped up, it’s just what happened to be on the radio at the time, but we got into it. :)

Kaylee was going to be first up, since she lives out of town, and she was still having trouble decided between 2 different designs.  We finally decided we’d all do the same design, just on whatever part of our bodies we wanted.  So with that settled, we all talked and laughed a little nervously the rest of the way.  We arrived at Flaming Dragon Tattoo, feeling completely out of place, but really we didn’t care.  We came with a mission and we were going to get it done.

Kaylee bravely signed the release papers, sat in the chair, put her earphones in, and really didn’t say much.  When Dave started, she did turn around and say, ‘Oh, it’s really not that bad’.  So we felt a little less anxious about our own, until she was finished and she said, ‘holy smokes, that hurt bad!’

Joanna was up next.  We had a feeling that Joanna would either really hate it, or really love it.  Joanna usually isn’t too in the middle about most things.  Guess which one she was?  She LOVED it!  She chatted it up with Dave the entire time, laughing, talking about how much she loved getting tattoo’d, the endorphins had kicked in full gear and she was having a great time.  She kept turning around to us saying, ‘You guys this is great.  It hurts, yea, but this is awesome!’

Jordan was next, and Jordan was nervous, but Jordan did great!  We thought for sure we’d hear him making noises, or being real sarcastic, or talking about how bad it was, but we got nothing out of him.  He sat in the chair, put his headphones in, and powered through.  He hardly even looked at us.  We were so impressed!  Jordan said afterwards that he had turned his music up so loud to distract himself from how bad it hurt.  But his tattoo is awesome!  It looks so good.

I was the final victim for torture that day.  I was a little anxious because I knew it was going to hurt, but I was excited to get it done.  I kept telling myself, “I can do anything for an hour, this is only going to hurt for about an hour”.  And really it’s true.  It hurt for sure, but it was tolerable.  I mean it took me longer to push out a baby than it did to get the tatoo put on.  It definitely hurt, but I would do it again.

Before:

During:

After:

I love our tattoos.  I’m so glad we got them, and that we got them together.

UPDATE: My mom was actually with us when we got our tattoos.  She drove up later in the day to check out the activity, meet the guy who was inking us, and hopefully get tatted herself.  As it turns out, we ran out of time, but that was ok, because mom ended up rethinking what exactly she wanted to get and where she wanted to put it.  She still wants to have it done, but it will just be at a little later date.   Maybe my dad will be convinced by then, he did say last night, “If (and a really big if) I ever had it done, I’d put it on my back like Jordan’s.  I really like how Jordan’s turned out”  Which is a lot different from what he has always said about tattoos, which is, “If you guys ever come home with a tattoo, you’re out of the will!”   So, hopefully my mom will get hers done in the near future, and maybe my dad will too!  I’ll be there for it for sure, with my camera in hand (or maybe Jordan’s)!

My Symbol of Suffering

It was 10 days after my brother died, and I was out with my mom buying Jayden birthday presents, since that day was Jayden's first birthday.  My mom said something to me about wishing that there was a black armband or something that she could wear so that people could see that she had suffered a great loss.  Maybe they would stop saying things like, “How are you?” (when they don’t really want to know) or “Have a nice day”, because for us, those days weren’t so nice, some days still aren’t.  I still think somedays it would be nice to be able to put something on, that set me apart from the “normal”, “ungrieving” world, that would allow me to have a bad day without having to explain it.  I could just put my armband on and people would know that someone close to me is now gone.  Maybe we would get a little more consideration from strangers, maybe a hug from someone who doesn’t know that even 3 months later we are still sad.  I feel like it would be nice to be able to remind people that even though it has been 3 months and their lives have gone back to normal, mine is still upside down most days.  Maybe it would remind someone to say a prayer for my family because we are on a journey that is taking us down a road we don’t want to be on, and from here, it looks like a long, uphill road.

Since Willie has died, I’ve heard all the members of my family say that they feel like they have lost pieces of their bodies.  We are marked, forever scarred, never to be the same people that we were before April 14th.  That is why I am so excited that we are all getting tattoos (except my dad, we haven’t convinced him yet).  I am excited because it’s like the marked person I am on the inside is now going to be on the outside.  After my tattoo, my outside will never be the same, it will be forever marked, there will be a visual representation that I am changed.  It’s my black armband.  It’s my symbol of suffering.  It’s my reminder of the things I have lost.

Cousins!

Kaylee and her two boys are here visiting from Phoenix. They have only been here for a week, but Brendan, Wyatt, and Jayden are becoming fast friends, the 3 musketeers as Kaylee and I always wanted them to be. It took Jayden a little while to warm up to them, as the Wagner boys play on a whole different audio level, and Jayden is used to the quietness of his house, but they are having a great time! Here are some pictures from their adventures so far…

They all took some drum lessons from Uncle Jon and Aunt Jojee

They have done some rough-housing with Uncle Bubba (with lots more to come I’m sure)

They have done some swinging in the park

And they have gone for walks in the strollers with their moms! Half way through this walk, Jayden had a bit of a meltdown, he wasn’t used to sharing the stroller with anybody and while Brendan was trying his best not to touch him, we ended up switching Jayden into the single stroller and Wyatt into the double with Brendan.

Thirsty?

Art Night at Amy's

I have this really great friend named Amy.  I have known of her for quite awhile, but I have just started hanging out with her these past couple of months.  Amy is the wife of Willie’s best friend, Forrest.  Forrest I’ve known for probably close to 10 years.  He was the kid with the wierd hair that lived up the driveway, and now down the road, from us out at Mason Lake, whose garage Willie was always hanging out in.  I really never had a chance to hang out with Amy until April happened.  Forrest and Amy were down at my parents house just about every night staying unitl the wee hours of the morning because nobody was sleeping during those first few weeks…some of us still aren’t…anyway not the point.   Amy and Forrest are the most creative people I know.  Forrest designed the top of my brother’s vault, Amy designed the memorial folders that were handed out at the service, they both did all the pictures of Willie that were at the service.  They both have spent more hours than I’ll probably ever know doing things for my family, creating things and printing pictures that we’re all so desperate to have.  I am forever thankful to have them as my friends.

Yesterday, I went out to Amy’s house for art night.  We’ve been talking about having an art night for awhile, but just haven’t actually planned one, until this weekend!  My mom and I went over to Amy’s, we opened a bottle of wine (to help loosen our artistic inhibitions), ripped up some paper, turned on some music, and put our paint brushes to work.  The theme for the night was abstract watercolor.   Shouldn’t be to hard right?  Well, I can’t say I was too good at it.  Mine closely resembled the watercolor paintings I did in preschool.  I felt like I should take my finished work and hang it up on my mom’s refrigerator.  My mom had reasonable success with hers.  And Amy, well Amy’s were the best.  Very abstract, very colorful, she knew when to stop adding colors so it didn’t look all muddy.  But she is the artist, so I’d expect hers to be pretty good.
:)

I can’t wait for the next art night!!!

My Latest Creation - Zori Socks

I love to knit.  I have for quite awhile now and I have tried to make just about anything you can think of.  Sweaters, blankets, slippers(although, I’m not very good at slippers you can ask my dad…), felted bags, scarves, mittens, hats, socks, even an ipod case and a cell phone cover, and the list just goes on and on.  Lots of it I have given away, some of it is just stacked up in the house.  I mean what do you do with 15 felted bags?  Or 10 scarves?  Or a bazillion bad attempts at slippers for my dad…I’m starting to blame his feet, there must be something wrong with them.  But my newest creation is one of my favorites!!  I’m calling them zori socks.  Zori is what my dad calls flip-flops, at least that is what he calls them now that we’ve broke him of the habit of calling them thongs.  I thought flip-flop socks sounded stupid, so zori socks it is!   They are a sock, but the sock stops just below the toes and then has a small piece that goes right in between your first two toes.

Here’s a visual for ya! (Yes, I know I have a nice looking foot, thank you )

The best part about these socks is that you can wear them with your flippies!!!

I’m going back to the yarn store today, I’m getting more sock yarn, and I’m making another pair.  I have some ideas that will make them better.  I may even make some matching leg warmers…watch out…can’t stop me!

Month 2 Margaritas

For those of us keeping track, we all knew that yesterday marked 2 months for our unwelcomed “new” lives.  So, what do we do?  We drink margaritas.  Why?  Not because Willie loved margaritas,  but because El Sarape makes mucho delicious ones, and who wouldn’t want to have one?

Royal came home from work early to take care of Jayden, so I could leave to go to Shelton.  I went down to the funeral home to hang out with my parentals and wait for Jac to make it through Seattle traffic.  Joanna couldn’t make it this time, because she is in Phoenix with Kaylee.  Around 6:00, my mom, my aunt Nancy (marshmellow as she likes to refer to herself), and I headed to the cemetery.  Sadly my dad couldn’t come, as he had to work a service last night.  Ahhh, the story of my dad’s life…serving other people and not getting to be with his family….do I need to bring up who brought me home from the hospital when I was born??? ha ha ha, just kidding dad!  But hopefully this lifestyle of my dad’s won’t be for toooo much longer, right dad?? (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)  Anyways…moving on….the 3 of us went up to the cemetery to wait on Jac, she was downtown buying coffee for her and Willie.  Luckily this time, no one had to jump the fence.  Did we make it there before it closed?  Nope.  We worked with our people in high places, a.k.a. my dad.  He talked to the peeps up at the cemetery and they offered to leave the gate unlocked for us.  So this time we were able to walk to the place where my brother is, we gave him some flowers, gave him some coffee, which I’m sure he would have remarked about how if you keep pouring coffee out, it’s going to really kill the grass.  We talked about how Willie would be so disappointed in the shape of the grass on his grave and wondered if we couldn’t just rip it out and put in some new green sod.  We talked about when the heck the marker might get done, and how Jordan is creeped out by the idea of the marker being on his “spot” too.  We eventually left, closed up the cemetery, and headed to El Sarape for greasy mexican food and a delicious margarita.

Food and drinks were good.  We all loved our margaritas and wish we had someone to drive us home, so that we could of all had another!  There was laughing and crying and it was good.  It is so nice to be around people who all love Willie.

One thing that was forgotten was mom was suppose to call Kaylee and Joanna while we were having our margaritas, so that they could make a couple for themselves, and we could all drink them together, while talking over speakerphone. (I’m sure the other guests at El Sarape would of loved that)  Ooops, sorry girls!!!  Maybe next time you can just come in person, since Kaylee - you’ll be in town!  Oh yea!!